The Squabbler

misguided thoughts on daily life
It’s that time of year again, you know, another year older none the wiser. Today is my 3rd Birthday, can you believe I’m that old?! All jokes aside, I was surprised to receive a Happy Birthday Email from Tumblr this morning wishing me a Happy 3rd Birthday to the Squabbler. My first thoughts were - I’ve had this blog for 3 years? Am I really getting that old? But then it got me thinking how little I’ve written on here in the last few months and all of the stories that I want to share with you out there! They’ve all been saved in a small box in my head somewhere and need to come out eventually. 
With the end of January 2014 nearing, it’s my aim to start writing again - whether it’s about love, boys, friendships, jobs, food, family or life in general…stay tuned! And please wish me a happy 3rd birthday! xoxo

It’s that time of year again, you know, another year older none the wiser. Today is my 3rd Birthday, can you believe I’m that old?! All jokes aside, I was surprised to receive a Happy Birthday Email from Tumblr this morning wishing me a Happy 3rd Birthday to the Squabbler. My first thoughts were - I’ve had this blog for 3 years? Am I really getting that old? But then it got me thinking how little I’ve written on here in the last few months and all of the stories that I want to share with you out there! They’ve all been saved in a small box in my head somewhere and need to come out eventually. 

With the end of January 2014 nearing, it’s my aim to start writing again - whether it’s about love, boys, friendships, jobs, food, family or life in general…stay tuned! And please wish me a happy 3rd birthday! xoxo

Are we still human?

Things that frustrate me are how little people contact we have nowadays. Even in my place of work. A lot of my daily interactions with people are done through online or digital mediums and I miss that closeness to people. Not in a weird creepy way, just in a social, hey I’m a person, I’m here too, I am alive kind of way. When I receive work feedback - from the person who sits at the desk next to me, this is done through email. And comments. People don’t talk anymore. It’s horrible. Are we soon going to be getting feedback from robots instead of colleagues? What’s the world turning to? Or is this just the people I have to deal with?

Inspiration - read these!

I read this on one of the forums I go to and have never felt so inspired!

•I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
•I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

•I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.
•I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”
•I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
•I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
•I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
•I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
•I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
•I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
•I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The silent fuck you…

A silent fuck you is….

- When the guy you’ve been dating for the last few months decides to get a 12 year younger, part time glamour model, flat mate.

- When you’re current flatmate leaves his cut off fingernails in the bathroom sink.

juelles:

I want companionship but I hate people

If you feel this way, you’re probably an introvert.

Because an introvert’s brain stays at a higher state of arousal than an extrovert, lots of socializing can cause overstimulation (which translates into feeling overwhelmed).  This is why introverts do well with just a few strong relationships and need lots of alone time to recharge after being around people.

Andthat’s why I’m such a weirdo, bitches.

It’s science!

(Source: miaman)

That weird banging sound…oh wait that’s just my flatmate having sex next door

That awkward moment when you hear a weird noise you’ve never heard before just to find out it’s your flatmate having sex with his now live in girlfriend in the room next door. It’s 1am on a Monday morning with just a few hours to go until the working week starts.

Kids (both 30) i know you’re not my biggest fan since i’ve asked you to move out but hey have some respect! Even through my trusty ear plugs can i hear the creaking.

And that spilling of the milk you’ve not cleaned up in two weeks or the toilet you haven’t flushed properly because you’re too lazy to unclog it? Some people just never learn. It still just amazes me how some people were brought up. They’re living as working professionals yet at home don’t want to lift a finger.

It took me four embarassing hours once to get my current male flatmate who is 30 to clean the bathroom. A task he thoroughly dispises although he has no inhibition to go and use the bathroom each morning for a good hour or so.

Let me tell you. The day he moves out and i hope it’s soon. I’m having a good clean and then a girly party to celebrate. I guess you never know what psycho’s some people can be until you move in with them. The sad thing is this kid used to be my friend. Until i realised that he’s a manic depressant, lazy, stoner who hides away from the world’s issues by smoking his next toke or spending the day holed up in his bedroom. Loser.

Shutting the door (or toilet seat) on something, isn’t going to make it go away…

I don’t regret the kind of upbringing I’ve had or the life I’ve had for the last 26 years.

I must admit I’ve not enjoyed every minute of it. There’s been tough times, times of depression and times that I would like to relive over and over because they were just that fricking awesome.

If I could take all of those good moments and turn them into a groundhog day scenario then I certainly would.

Out of all of the skills and coping mechanisms I’ve learnt up to this point in life however, the one I appreciate the most, is that I’ve learnt to face problems and deal with them. Even if it takes me a while to realise there are problems, I will eventually do something about them. There’s days when I shit myself, shit bricks, get flash sweats just because I get so anxious about something. But I literally, kick myself in the butt - mentally most of the time and get on with it and do it.

The sad thing is, that I have a couple of friends who after years on this earth still haven’t managed to deal with their issues. Instead of facing them, admitting them and getting real help for them they sweep them under the carpet. Close the door on them. Or put the toilet seat down.

If only they took those few extra seconds to work a little harder at the issue instead of giving up on it completely and turning their backs, the don’t. It’s certainly frustrating at first to observe such behaviour. Especially when you try and help them or listen to them go on about their problems or go back to bad habits in order to cope with stress and blank out life’s issues. However, there’s a certain point when you realise it’s not worth all the trouble because they’re unwilling to change or admit to anything being wrong. What do you do in such instances? How do you not just shut the door on them? If they’re unwilling to help themselves or change…then what’s left for you to do?

Such are some of the questions that I ponder away at in order to savor friendships…

Let go of the past

Letting go of people or traditions is hard because you invest so much in them.

That to let go can be scary. But it can also be liberating.

Or even essential to your happiness.

If you don’t let go, you can find yourself in a dark place. Unable to kick your worst habits.

"There’s no one in town I know, but you gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that, I thought I might get one more chance….

What would you think of me now?…

…On sleepless roads, the sleepless go”

—Jimmy Eat World - Hear you me

Why the male attention?

What always perplexes me is those women, that can’t live without any male attention or a man in their life. I have some friends in my life that are the ones that don’t feel complete unless they have a man or male interest in their life. From when I can remember (13 or so) they’ve been like this.

Constant sling of boyfriends, short term flings, long term relationships, loves of their life, the whole shebang that involves being with a male partner. They go through the highs and lows, the heartbreak, the cheating, the other women, the bitching about their man to their girlfriends when he’s being bad and the boasting about them when he’s being good. They can sit through him being a cheater throughout their relationship, they wait for him to be good, just for him to turn around and break their heart because he’s done it again and tells them he wants to be single.

I don’t get it. Especially with the cheaters.

How can you let someone treat you like that? Betray you? Break your trust? Steal from you? Break the hearts of your friends because they see how unhappy you are?

Just for you to go back to him when he whispers those sweet words and pays you the attention that you’ve always wanted him to pay you. It’s so easy for him to turn around and tell you you look gorgeous, just because he wants a quick fuck and is horny. For him to turn around to you and get some money from you.

This is not love. And you should know love. The kind of real love you get from your parents and siblings. Not the kind that breaks your heart. You can replace him with all the shoes you want to buy, with all the men you want to sleep with to get over him, with all the drinks you can drown and food you can eat, but how can you just forget all of this in a split second when he knows just the right words to say to you, how to play you and get you into his ban again? I don’t understand these girls.

Trust me, I have my insecurities. I’ve had my heartbreaks. I’ve had my cheaters but I’ve always left them. I don’t take shit lying down. Call me a bitch but I know I have a big heart and that person who’ll eventually get my heart will know it’s worth loving and not messing with. Not cheating on. Not stealing from and not breaking.

There’s only so many hugs and drinks you can have with a broken hearted friend. With a girlfriend that goes back to her cheating boyfriend, that still wants to work things out. Why is it they always come to their friends though and then do what they want in the end…ok. I obviously will never figure out girls like this, but damn it can be frustrating to watch.

What do you do in these situations? What are these girls feeling? What do they need to make them realise their full worth without needing a man to say it to them? Why do they need this male attention?

Momma always said…

…take your make-up off before you go to sleep.

Now. There are those days, and I’ve had quite a few of these lately where you just want to hit the hay. Without brushing your teeth (i know gross, but admit it, you’ve done it too), taking your make-up off or changing your clothes. Especially when you are just so damn exhausted.

Well, I had quite a few of those last week, were I couldn’t be bothered to take the extra 5 minutes to get my stuff done in the bathroom.

So what happens? Ever heard of a chalazion? Nope? Well I hadn’t either until a few days ago. It’s a little wart on your inner eyelid and it hurts! Oh…and guess where you get it from? From dirt collecting on your eyelashes, eyelids..ie. all that gunky make-up that not only stains your pillow but also ends up messing with your eye.

After this close call (if the wart had stayed any longer you have to get it removed with a little incision surgery by your eye-doctor), I’m taking those extra five minutes, no matter how lazy, how tired or sick I am…as I never want that to happen again. It’s true you guys, listen to what momma says, as she’s always right!

Sometimes to be a survivor it does no harm to have luck on your side.

Room Mates and Weed

When you decide to live in a flat with someone, there’s always those few questions and warning signals that come up before you make the decision to sign that piece of paper at the estate agents and agree that for the next 12 months you will be sharing your home together.

In an ideal world, if my salary and circumstances agreed, I would be living in a one bedroom or studio and be able to keep the place clean, tidy, just the way I want it.

However, when you live in London, and when you, like me, would rather live somewhere close to the centre, pay a little extra so that it doesn’t take you more than an hour to get to places or to work in the mornings, you choose the option of living with other people.

For the last two years, I’ve lived with boys. Both seemingly tidy, intelligent, and doing well in their jobs. However, what I only tend to find out when I actually live with them is that they’re stoners. I used to think that I was ok with weed. The occassional puff before you go to sleep or at a party was the norm at university. But when people have to do it every night, every evening the moment they come back from work? It makes them forget about their day I guess, but what it also does, is it makes them forgetful about other things. Such as cleaning for example, leaving the lights on because they pass out before then, never taking the rubbish out, leaving the window open whilst the heating is on full blast, leaving dirty dishes piled up only for you to find there’s nothing clean left for you to use…the list is endless.

With my current flatmate, I’ve sat through the last 6 months, where he’s taken time off work, only to find him getting high every day in the living room and not doing what I’d asked him to do, ie. move some boxes from one surface to another. I’m not kidding you it took him 2 months of moving into the place to do this. His excuse: I was majorly depressed. Oh my bad! Does it help getting high every day? Does it help being depressed whilst at the same time frustrating and pissing off the person you’re living with?

Today, is another one of this episodes. He’s on a ‘better’ day. However, whilst we were supposed to be switching rooms today, his excuse was that he had too much work to do. Yet, for the last 3 hours, he’s been watching tv shows on his i-pad and cleaning the place, generally faffing about just so he doesn’t have to do work. You don’t realise how mad this is making me. In those 3 hours we could have moved rooms already but noooo…Excuses, excuses.

God. I can’t wait until the day that I can live on my own. Screw you flatmates!